Making a change

When we first started homeschool I was weary about it being too much for W. He already has been doing Chinese with a tutor every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings for three hours. I always thought a child his age should be playing more than learning, but we decided to try.

I am surprised that he has been able to go for six weeks. On Wednesday, it was a really hard day. W was very upset because he wasn't focusing and we were getting frustrated with him. We kept trying to make him sit and do his school work. He just kept saying over and over again, "I am sad because you keep making me do school and I just want to play." This broke my heart! I kept thinking I needed to be consistent so I kept insisting he continue practicing his writing. Eventually I thought to myself that if he and I don't get some space between us, I'm going to turn into a mad woman. So I made him go outside and play. Of course, W just sat out there and cried while our sweet cat kept rubbing up against him and he would pet her. I was sitting there watching him, just trying to cool my jets. After about ten minutes I went outside and we talked for about an hour.

One thing that really stands out to me about our conversation was when I asked him, "Do you think Mommy is mean?"

He replied with a head nod. I then asked him, "Why do you think that? Talk to me."

He said, "I just want to play and you keep giving me negative points and making me do more work and it's just going to take longer until I can play."

That was it. I was being made out to be the bad guy when I didn't like the idea of him doing school AND Chinese in the first place. I wasn't going to be that anymore. I told him that on the days he does Chinese, we will not do school unless he wants to. I wrote out two scenarios for him, weekly schedules if you will, and had him circle which one he wanted to keep. He chose to do Chinese two days a week and homeschool three days a week.  We talked to Dad about it and Dad is going to talk to his Chinese tutor and see what she thinks. Dad is not thrilled about the idea of him doing less Chinese and I can understand that. But I personally just want whatever W wants. He has to learn school in a constructive way, but it has to be how he wants it to be (with our guidance).

W is only four, he will be five in about one week. He is not even due to go to Kindergarten until next school year. Kindergarten is a half day of school. If he does first grade cirriculum for the same amount of hours as a Kindergartener goes to school, for two years, then he's still be ahead of his peers. It's not like being ahead of his peers is what is important. I am simply stating that he will not be behind, and this will be easier on everyone.

Grandma desires to be enlisted as a teacher for Woodruff Hall. I think it will be fun for W to go to Grandma's on a Saturday every now and then for a special lesson. I'll probably take her up on it.

A new way to encourage good school-behavior + a thought that could pass as advice

Lately it has been difficult to get W to focus. I think the excitement of school has worn off for him already.

Yesterday, he kept asking for chocolate almond milk and I kept saying, "If you are good and can focus and answer my questions, then I will get you some." This wasn't working and he kept getting distracted by clicking pens, rocket-ship pencils and his school badge. I kept asking the same question, giving him the answer, then asking him the question again and getting, "Uuuuuuhhhhh.... I don't knoooowww." Ugh!! So I said, "Okay, that's a minus point!" An idea was born. I got out our little dry-erase board and wrote "Chocolate Almond Milk = 5 points", and I told him as I wrote, that if he can't focus and I have to keep repeating myself, or if he screams at me whenever I take away a distraction, he will get a Negative point. If he is good and focuses and answers my questions right away, even if it is a wrong answer, he gets Good points.

As you can see, this worked very well! As soon as he realized that I was giving him Negative points for negative behavior, he was back at work. He soon realize that he had to work twice as hard to make up for his not paying attention.

He asked for his milk at the beginning of the school day, he always does. He didn't "earn" it until right before his last subject. He really wanted that treat and he was going to earn it. I am hoping that this system will continue to work. It teaches the value of work and it teaches math skills. And if it works, then it will get him in the habit of taking school seriously.

One thought about homeschool. If you don't have a partner that supports you and communicates with you then it is just not going to work. You'll be sloppy and frustrated and your child will not learn anything. It is vital that your husband or wife is on the same page and supports the venture entirely. When you go with a route such as a Classical Education, the parents are the full-time teachers. You don't have a lady on the computer telling you what to learn and grading your papers. YOU are that person. It can be overwhelming when you have to do it all alone. You get frustrated with a non-compliant child and mounds of information to teach. Don't take it all on yourself as an individual. Have your husband or wife take on at least one subject and have them decide when they are going to teach it. Communicate with each other on when this allotted time frame is and keep it consistent. Consistency is the key to learning, if you ask me. Repetition and conditioning the brain to know that, "Hey, it's 5:00 pm and it's time to learn History!" Your child's brain will be in this mode and your child will expect nothing else. If you move it around all the time, your child might get frustrated, thinking, "Don't I usually have supper right now?" or "It is usually my time to play, I still want my time to play!" Consistency and strictness in consistency keeps the peace in a household. I'm not suggesting that everything be completely rigid and fine tuned. You should allow some flexibility and not be so uptight, that is the beauty of homeschool. But when I say that every child should learn at his own pace, I certain do not mean that you just wait for them to say, "I want to learn all about science now!" That's not likely to happen. You need to be the scheduler, and in those allotted time frames, they can go at their own pace. If they aren't finished with first grade math, by the end of first grade, that is okay. As long as you've spent that time every day, consistently, on it, your child has been learning. Eventually they will catch up. If your partner is not on the same page, it can be a disaster and your child will get very confused.