Yep, that's me. I don't care for socializing, getting together with a bunch of other women and hanging out and "chatting". It honestly near repulses me. I love family gatherings and going out one on one, or even with two other women MAYBE. But activities where there is forced socialization that I didn't ask to participate in, but feel obligated to, just downright causes me anxiety. My life seems to be all about raising my kids right. That, and making God and my husband happy, are just about all I think about. I don't care that I don't get to have free time during the day by not sending my kids to school. I don't care that I'm tied down to my kids. This is where I shine. If I can dedicate my life to one thing, I'd have it be raising good, responsible, intelligent, independent, hard working, CHRIST-CENTERED individuals to contribute to the world. It doesn't bother me to be sheltered up and confined to my home and family. I like that zone, it's comfortable and safe to me. That's my happy place.
Now, because this is the case I do have to venture out of my comfort zone for the sake of the kids and get them involved in other things so my tendency to be a recluse doesn't mess them up.
When you belong to the LDS Church (and perhaps it's true in other churches/cultures as well), there is A LOT of "forced socialization". There is a lot of pressure to be friends and be kind and know what's going on in people's lives and be there to support, uplift, and encourage. I don't mind this Christ-like aspect of it. I just have to basically be something other than ME to do it. I have to force myself to be "social". I try, I really try, and I think I do okay. I'm just not great at making friends at church period. I've accepted that and I'm okay with it. (Though sometimes I am bothered when it seems people don't know a lick about me and make judgements based on ignorance - so there's something I need to just realize happens as a result of my behavior, and then learn to not care. I'm working on it.)
When I am in a social "moment" with church people, or neighborhood people, it is almost always the case that the subject of school comes up. Women talk about their kids' education, and their kids' teachers, and how they help out at the school, etc. etc. I understand that is just a big part of these people's lives; their kids. Mine too! 😊 But I don't talk about my kids education with these people since not many people ask. Surely there are other things going on in their lives to talk about, right? This has been plaguing me for awhile. Why do they ALWAYS talk about school around me? They know I home school. They can see that I don't have anything to say on the subject and am just sitting there, a third wheel, just listening. It's fine for me to listen, I'm a good listener. However, I do like to have opportunities to participate in the discussion every once in a while.
Honestly, I'm just an awkward person socially. I like to talk about politics and I have strong opinions. I'm not rude or forceful about them (unless you're an ultra sensitive person) and often there is jest or humor behind my comments. So in these superficial moments, I simply do very little talking. I'm just not interested in things most people are interested in, which is another reason I am certain I love just being with my family, because they're like me!
Recently I started thinking that these people save certain discussion points (about school) to talk about when I'm around. It just seems like that is the case because most of the time I will be with this group of people who are good friends and talk often without me around and I think, "Haven't you all talked about this together already?" I really think people feel like they have to justify their choices to me so they talk up their child's education. Honestly, it just makes me not want to be social even more so.
Here is what I wish I could say to these people (which I can't, because it isn't out in the open that they feel they have to defend their choices to me):
I believe that most parents do their best for their children based on their life experiences and based on what THEY know, their knowledge and what the spirit tells them to do. Most parents do their best, they do what works for them and their family. My husband and I just know and understand things differently, we have different strongly held beliefs. Every person on earth may come to read something new, and then they will inevitably decide for themselves if it's something that they want to believe. This goes along with learning all new things and experiencing new things. We all take in life's lessons in one way or another. My husband and I choose to believe the facts presented to us to mean that the public schools practice harmful ways to educate children, and that children can become better educated under the freedom of a home school environment. Period. That's what WE believe. We take what we believe, along with the knowledge that God our Father entrusted us to raise our children right in His sight, and we home school our children. How other people choose to raise and educate their children based on their firmly held beliefs and understandings of life and things, is none of our concern. And quite frankly, unless you're teaching them to infringe on our personal rights, I don't really care what you do. I know you're a good person and love your kids and you're not just sitting idly by. For that I admire you and am glad that there are people like you raising children in this world. Every parent should be actively engaging in teaching their children what THEY believe to be right and wrong. If you're doing that, then I give you a 10. You don't need to convince me you're doing the right thing, I assume most parents are doing the right thing for THEM, as I know my husband and I are doing the right thing for US.
Somehow I have to figure out a way to change subjects naturally in a social situation, so I can get off this tangent people get on when they're around me. But I'd have to master the art of socializing, perhaps find a way to change this title they seem to label me with, as "the one who homeschools". The question is: Do I care to go to that effort? I guess we'll find out.
